Now father, since 49 or 50, this terrible sense of loss, this untold darkness, this loneliness, this continual longing for God, which gives me that pain deep down in my heart…
Darkness is such that I really do not see, neither with my mind nor with my reason, the place of God in my soul is blank. There is no God in me, when the pain of longing is so great, I just long and long for God, and then it is that I feel He does not want me, He is not there.
God does not want me. Sometimes I just hear my own heart cry out, “my God!” and nothing else comes. The torture and pain, I can’t explain…
—Gonxha Agnes Bojaxhiu | Skopje, Albania
Jojo Agot 